Change
by IvoryTroll
Summary: Remus Lupin, werewolf and Marauder, just wanted a quiet year. He never expected this. Rating changed to T for increased swearing and so on!
1. Prologue

**AN: Remus, a werewolf, scorned by society, begins his final year at Hogwarts. Despite hanging around with a bunch of crazy idiots (otherwise known as the Marauders), he hopes to have a quiet year. Little does he know that this year he will encounter just about the biggest thing life can throw at him. Love.**

A dark stormy night. The wind shivers across the grass and rattles tree branches against dark windows. A boy shakes in a corner of a tiny room, the doorway a gaping mouth to freedom, a freedom that does not exist for the mouth leads only to a forest filled with things even more terrible than himself. For he is a danger, this little boy, that is what they all say. A danger, to himself and others, a liability. Best to keep him away. Keep him safe. All his life, or so it seems, these words have been whispered far above his head or behind closed doors, a susurrus of insults and dangers. He knows he is dangerous. Why else would they say he was? He's a freak, a monster to be kept locked up and let loose only in forests on dark and stormy nights when the moon rises in a fat globe, bulging in the sky, like an eye seeking him out. It seems to his young mind that it is always stormy, though logic tells him that it must be nice some nights. He likes logic. It's safe and solid and unchangeable. He likes words too, although many are used against him, twisted and turned out of proportion and losing all meaning. He still tries to enjoy them because don't they say that you should know your enemy? The only problem with this is that he seems to be everyone's enemy and no-one tries to get to know him. No-one wants to get to know a freak like him...  
And then all words, all logic, all meaning fall from him like an unwanted overcoat, landing creased in the corner as the eye, bulging menacingly high above him, cries down tears of silver, drowning him, suffocating him. Changing him_._


	2. Chapter 1

**AN:/ Enjoy! Next chapter should be up by tomorrow but then updates may slow down a bit due to school work. Sorry. Forgive me?**

_5 years later..._

A bright sunny day. The platform rings out with noise but he is pocketed in a silent corner, his dad on one side, his mother on the other. All the unsaid words yelled silently between them as they wait for the moment when the other words come out of hiding. The ones that mean so much less than the deafening silences. His father opens his mouth and out they tumble.  
"Well, have a good year son. Write often!"

His mother nods along with the false words and the forced smile. "Yes honey. Have fun with all your little friends!"

He tries to smile, a grimace contorting his face as he tries to play along. He doesn't want to look like even more of a freak, with his scars and large gold-amber eyes that never quite look human. At least he has a happy family. He hates that term. Happy family. He's sure no-one has a family that has no issues, no problems, no secrets. They can't be the only ones surely? And know he's got to make them even more freakish than they are now. He's decided that now, just before he goes away for a year, is the best time to tell them something incredibly important because then he doesn't have to cope with the outburst.  
He tries to line the words up carefully but his heart is beating harder and harder, his palms sweating as his panic rises. Finally they tumble out, messily landing in the silence.  
"I'm gay."

He runs, thankful his trunk is safely stowed on the train already, and tries to ignore the faint keens of his mother and the terrible silence from his father as he forces his way through the wall of students. Finally he makes it onto the train. Another year at Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter 2

_AN:/ I don't like this much but I really needed a filler 'introduce everyone' sort-of chapter. Let me know what you think anyway! Next chapter will be up in a couple of days._

He makes his way along the crammed train, fighting the irrational tears. He just wants a bit of quiet and peace...

"Remus!" A spotty, bespectacled boy waves madly at him from a compartment and Remus forces a smile onto his face as he walks to the carriage. James claps him on the shoulder before running off, most likely looking for Lily.

"Hey James." he calls down the corridor. He sits down next to a fat, rodent-faced boy. "Alright Peter?"  
The boy darts his eyes sideways and nods quickly before diving into his bag and retrieving a half-eaten bar of chocolate.

Finally Remus turns his attention to the other occupant of the carriage. Sirius. "H-Hi Sirius." Damn it! Where had the stutter come from?

The tall long-haired boy smiles, his grey eyes turning silver for a moment. "Hi Remus." He catches sight of Remus' red-rimmed eyes and frowns. "Are you alright mate?"

Before Remus can think of a lie, James appears again. "What's wrong with Remus?"

"Nothing is wrong with me guys. It was just a bit of a bad-" He pauses, aware of the amount of people around him. "Time of the month."

James seems happy with the explanation but Sirius continues staring at him for a few moments. Remus tries to look as innocent as possible under the hard gaze of his best friend and breathes a sigh of relief when James grabs his attention.

"So... How am I going to get Evans to go out with me?"


	4. Chapter 3

_AN:/ On the first night back, Remus stars in an incredibly angst-y chapter. Thank you to all my reviewers! The next chapter should be up in a couple of days!_

A dark stormy night. The wind ripples across the lake and shakes the long arms of the Whomping Willow. The waxing moon sends a path of white-silver through the clouds to a window where a young man sits, staring out at the dreary landscape.

His knees are pulled up to his chest, exposing thin scar-ridden legs enclosed in too-short trousers. It's nearly 10 years to the day- Or rather, night- since he became a freak, forced into a life of exile and horror.

He's grown a lot since those dark days as a child but, if he's honest, all that has changed is that the insults, those hated and loved twisted words, are now spat at his face by the few that know instead of whispered above his head.

In a way it's better. At least he knows the truth. He hates the hidden words, the ones kept bitten back behind sharp tooth and sharper tongue, the ones that hold more pain and sorrow than can ever be said. He's seen them in his mother's eyes and his father's. Disappointment. Hate. They curl and congeal in their mouths and hurt him more that he can say.

He bites back a sob and curls in on himself, hating the moon. Hating himself.


	5. Chapter 4

_AN:/ A decidedly more cheerful chapter than the last one and longer too! I hope you enjoy it and the next one should be up soon! Sorry it's taken so long for this one to be posted but I've been really busy so... Yeah. Sorry! _

"-tell me which spell this is? Mr Lupin? Mr Lupin!"

Professor McGonnagall's shrill and harsh voice dragged him forcibly out of his thoughts- some involving Sirius in a number of... situations- and he looked up at her decidedly unamused face.

"I-I'm sorry Professor. I don't-" Suddenly he wanted to be anywhere but in the classroom. The closeness of Sirius was almost overpowering.

Luckily, before he could panic, a very Sirius-like voice spoke up in his head. _Your furry little problem_. He schooled his features into his best 'ill and wolf-y feeling' face before continuing. "I don't feel well Professor."

Her expression immediately changed into one of utmost sadness and pity. He felt a bit guilty but slightly annoyed as well. He hated pity.

"Very well Mr Lupin. You may go out if you wish."

He nodded and collected his things before rushing out of the classroom and down the corridor. He barely registered the door opening and shutting behind him again almost immediately until Sirius had caught him by the elbow and spun him round to face him.

"What's wrong?"

_You._ "Nothing. It's just my-"

"It is_ not_ your furry little problem you lying little bastard." Sirius smiled briefly before remembering his concern. "What's wrong?"

Remus sighed and, upon sensing no immediate escape route, decided to give him half of the truth. "It's just... It's ten years tomorrow Padfoot."

Sirius looked confused for a moment before working it out. "Oh." He winced. "Sorry. I should've remembered."

Remus shrugged. "Why would you?"

"I am your best- Oh crap." Sirius's eyes suddenly focused on a point somewhere above Remus's left ear.

"What?" Remus said, starting to turn to look.

"Filch."

Before Remus could react, Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him through the nearest door, which turned out to be a broom closet.

An incredibly small, enclosed and intimate broom closet which meant Remus's hand was somewhere near Sirius's arse and Sirius's mouth was somewhere in the vicinity of Remus's crotch, due to a sloping ceiling.

"Well this is awkward."


	6. Chapter 5

_AN:/ I am so so sorry about how long it has taken me to update! I've been really busy what with exams coming up so and then FF wouldn't let me upload anything : Anyway, here's the new chapter! It's getting a bit... heated now so any innocent minds that wish to stay that way might want to avoid the first few lines. I mean, it's not that bad but it might get a bit uh... heavier and more slash-y later chapters because folks, this is a slash story involving two teenage boys. Do the math._

Remus stifled the whimper that crept unwanted into his vocal chords as Sirius shifted his head to one side. However, he was powerless to stop certain other... bodily functions and he shut his eyes as he grew hard and Sirius gasped.

"Why Moony," he chuckled in a sinfully dark voice that made Remus shudder, "I didn't know you cared."

It was all too much and he felt, beside his arousal, a much darker force creep up. As the wolf howled inside him, he suddenly wanted out.

"Let me out."

Sirius paused at Remus's voice. It was dark, the wolf growled inside it and he remembered that Remus was very slightly... On edge. Stopping, wondering what to do, he didn't notice Remus tensing up.

"Let. Me. Out."

"Okay, okay. Moony, calm down."

Remus thrashed his body against the walls, trying to break free. "I- Sirius please- LET ME OUT!" He screamed as the wolf fought for control and Sirius finally managed to locate the door again.

The second the door swung open, Remus ran for it, not caring about the stares from the tentative heads poked out of classroom doors or the hurried footsteps behind him.  
All he wanted, all he felt, all he cared about was getting as far away as possible from the one person who would save and destroy him all at once.

Sirius Black.


	7. Chapter 6

_AN:/ I'm not too happy about this chapter but I wanted to get one up quickly after the long, long, LONG wait for the last one! I hope you like it. It's got a bit of a surprise end that I promise I will explain in the next chapter! Any, just read 'kay?_ :)

**Very Important! Ignore the update, it's back to how it was! Sorry for any confusion.  
**

* * *

For Sirius Black's part, he knew far more about Remus that Remus knew. He knew his favourite colour (grey) and his favourite flower (black tulips).

He knew when Remus was angry or merely annoyed and how to win him back 'round.

He had known Remus was gay probably longer than Remus himself (but he respected that Remus wasn't ready to tell him yet).

In fact, the only thing he hadn't worked out was that Remus liked him. Until now of course. Which was why, when Remus ran away, he stopped chasing after him.

He needed to think and thinking is a task that Sirius Black does not undertake lightly.

"James-Jamie-Jimmy-Jamie-James?" sang Sirius, ruffling the boy's messy hair and thumping down onto the sofa next to him.

"Padfoot, go away." muttered James absently, vainly attempting to flatten his hair while gazing lovingly at a certain red-haired girl on the other side of the room. Sirius followed his gaze and grinned.

"I don't think she cares mate, to be honest. Now, are you going to help me?"

Finally James tore his gaze away from Lily. "What with?"

"Not here. The dorm?"

Confused but intrigued, James followed Sirius up the stairs, not noticing Lily's gaze on them all the while.

Collapsing gracefully on his bed, Sirius tried to compose himself. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating at even the thought of what he was about to do but he knew he had to do it. For the sake of Remus, himself and grilled cheese!

He was aware he wasn't exactly in the best state of mind but he'd come this far, he had to see it through.

James observed him carefully, noting Sirius's nervousness.

"What's the matter?" he tentatively asked, leaping back as Sirius leapt up but not quick enough as their lips met...

A gasp from the doorway stopped the kiss short and James took the opportunity to leap back, wiping his lips hurriedly and glaring at Sirius as he did so. They both turned to face the doorway...

"Lily?" they yelped in unison while the red-haired girl stood in the dorm, her hands at her mouth.

"Oh. My. Wizard. God. I knew it!"


	8. Chapter 7

_AN:/ I know, I know, I know. I know I said I'd explain in the next chapter but then I remembered Remus so I had to post this. Sorry! I will explain next chapter, I promise. Really this time! :) I'm sorry it's so short and crappy... I'm really tired with all the revision and coursework and more revision that makes up GCSEs. Enjoy!_

Remus ran through the Forbidden Forest, ignoring the tree branches and glinting eyes that seemed to follow him through the forest but never daring to approach him.

They could smell him and knew to keep away. As he ran, words streaked through his head, thoughts mixing together and fading before he could complete them.

_Werewolf, freak, Sirius, lust, freak, werewolf, monster, creature, dangerous, Sirius..._

Finally, he collapsed on the floor of a small clearing, his weak body unable to cope with the strain.

He lay there as day turned to night, night turned to day and then, as night fell once more, the moon came out.

_Werewolf, freak, Sirius-_

And the werewolf ran through the night.


	9. Chapter 8

Two and a half days. Two and a half days since Remus disappeared. Two and a half days since he'd kissed James, for reasons that he had yet to work out.

Finally, after the constant nagging of Lily and especially James, he'd muttered something about wanting to check if he really was gay (simply saying this had caused James to faint).

Two and a half days had passed and Sirius had never felt more scared.

"Where is he James?" he'd ask and James would shrug, unable to answer. Even Dumbledore couldn't say and when he'd looked at Sirius sadly over his half-moon glasses, Sirius had turned his head away. He didn't want his pity. He just wanted Remus.

By the third day, Sirius cracked.

"We have to go looking for him Prongs."

"Sirius-" James began, seeing where this was going.

"No James. Don't argue. We have to do it. We have to go into the Forbidden Forest."

And James sighed, nodded and sighed again. "Okay. We'll go."


	10. Chapter 9

_**AN:/ So, here it is! Sorry that it's so short but I wanted to get something up and... yeah. So, enjoy!**_

Pausing on the very edge of the Forbidden Forest, Sirius caught Peter by the scruff of his neck for the fifth time.

"Stop," Sirius growled, shaking him with every word, "Trying to run off!"

Peter glared at him balefully before, with a quick twist, changing into rat form and leaving an irate James and Sirius glaring at a pile of clothes as he disappeared into the night.  
"Damn you Wormtail!" Sirius shouted after him, starting to give chase before James grabbed his arm.

"Leave him Pads. You know he hates this forest and he's never been comfortable around Remus when he's a werewolf anyway." Especially when Remus is pissed he added silently and shivered slightly.

Sirius grinned at him. "Cold mate? C'mon, we'd better change now before someone sees us."

No sooner were the words out of his lips was a large black dog panting at James who sighed and quickly changed himself.

Before long, the two were running through the trees, Sirius following a faint trail while the stag ran warily after him.

The night was dark and the Forest felt... Ominous. He couldn't help thinking that somehow, it was afraid of something hiding deep within itself and he shuddered. He had a feeling that they were heading right for it.


	11. Chapter 10

_AN:/ So here's the new chapter! Enjoy! :)_

Deep in the forest, a werewolf slumbered... And Remus woke up.

"Oh thank god!" Sirius exclaimed, kneeling beside him. "Are you okay?"

Remus blinked at him blearily before sitting up in shock. "Sirius? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to find you silly," Sirius grinned, his black hair falling into his grey eyes as he lent closer over Remus. "And to tell you that..."

"T-Tell me what?" Remus whispered, his heart beating faster as he dared to hope...

"Sirius?" James shouted as he blundered into the clearing. Looking around, he spotted the pair and bounded over to them. "Sirius! And Remus!"

Sirius sighed and held out a hand to Remus, helping him up as he stood up himself. "He's fine James."

James sighed in relief and glanced at their clasped hands. "Something you want to tell me?" he grinned.

Both boys blushed and dropped the other's hand quickly.

"Shut it Prongs." Sirius glared, avoiding Remus' dejected expression. "Nothing is going on."

Glancing at his suddenly cold expression, James decided to drop it for the moment and looked at Remus in concern.

"You okay?" he whispered as the trio set off through the Forest, Sirius stalking in front and looking every inch the heir of a Dark family.

"I'm fine," Remus whispered back, unable to hide the slight quiver in his voice which gave away his lie. He glanced at Sirius. "I just hate it when he gets like this. He always does when he doesn't want to confront something, have you noticed?"

"Remus?" James questioned quietly. "Seriously, is there something you want to tell me?"

Remus nodded then shook his head, his face a mask of indecision. Finally he seemed to reach a conclusion and looked up at James. "Not here. Later."

James only nodded and they walked the rest of the way to the school in silence, broken only by the sound of their footsteps.


	12. Chapter 11

_AN:/ Bit of a longer chapter this time and hopefully a bit of a happier one! Enjoy!_

As they neared the castle, Sirius stalked off towards the lake. Remus started, as though he was going to run after him but James caught his arm and steered him away.

Leading him in this way the pair walked slowly to their dorm. Once there, James sat Remus down onto his bed and settled down next to him.

"So," James began, stopping when Remus turned to face him; his amber eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I- I'm sorry. I j-just needed to... Sort t-things out." His voice shook and he turned away, swiping at his eyes. "This is stupid." he muttered.

"What's the matter Remus?" James asked tentatively, reaching a hand out as though to take Remus's hand before thinking better of it and dropping it between them.

Taking a deep breath, Remus began talking. "Remember one the train at the beginning of the year?"- a nod- "Well..."

At the end of his speech, James was wearing a slightly stunned expression. "So... You're gay. You came out to your parents but uh... They don't exactly feel uh... Yeah and um..."

"And I'm in love with Sirius."

James sucked in a breath. "Who you accidentally ended up in a broom closet with where he accidentally nearly molested you."

"Um... Sort of. I think you've got the gist of it."

"Well," James gave a wry grin. "That explains why he kissed me anyway."

Remus gaped at him. "He kissed you?"

"Oh, I guess you wouldn't have known about that." James ruffled a hand through his hair. "Um... He kissed me on the day you went missing."

"Why?"

"He said that it was to check to see if he was gay or something but I reckon he might have been trying to work out how he felt about you after what you said he said in the broom closet."

Remus blinked a few times, a hopeful light beginning to shine in his eyes. "You think he might... You think he might love me back?"

"Honestly? Yeah. It would kind of make sense. I mean, he was really worried about you when you were... Away."

Remus stared out of the window for a few minutes. Finally he stood up and turned to James. "I have to go find him. Thanks for... Thanks for everything."

James smiled at him. "No problem. Anytime mate. Just uh-" He held up a hand. "You don't have to kiss me or anything."

Remus laughed and walked out of the room. However, he almost immediately returned and walked purposefully toward James. Grabbing him by the shoulders, he planted a kiss on his lips.

Before James could protest, he was out the door with a bound in his step, his laughter echoing around the stone walls.

James shook his head. "My friends are insane."


	13. Chapter 12

_AN:/ Would you believe that this is the second-to-last chapter? But don't despair! Should you, my loyal reviewers :), wish for one, I'm considering writing a sequel! Let me know and enjoy!_

As Remus headed towards the lake, his elated mood fell somewhat and uncertainty crept it.

In the dorm he could easily have believed that Sirius loved him but in this sombre setting- for the sky had darkened and the clouds had gathered- he could only remember how cold Sirius had looked and, though he hated to think this, how dark he had looked.

However, before he could reconsider completely, he remembered all that James had told him and he remembered the closet incident. Suddenly feeling much happier, he quickened his pace and continued on his journey to the lake.

Sirius, for his part, had been doing some serious (no pun intended) thinking as he sat by the lake.

When James had joked of something happening between he and Remus, he had immediately closed up and- hating himself each step of the way- stormed off, looking and feeling every inch of a Dark wizard.

In his reflection, he had worked out that that seemed to be his default setting whenever things got awkward.

He wanted to be with Remus so much and he was annoyed; annoyed at himself, at James, even at Remus-

"You've got to stop talking aloud to yourself." said a quiet voice behind him and he turned to see Remus standing behind him.

"I'm sorry." he murmured quietly, not daring to look directly at him.

"For what?" Remus frowned as he spoke and Sirius looked into his eyes for the first time.

"I messed everything up." he said in surprise, jumping as Remus sat down beside him and took his hand.

"No you didn't. Me on the other hand..." Remus stared off across the lake, still holding Sirius's hand.

"I couldn't cope with how I felt for you. I just had to run. I honestly thought that I would hurt you or you would leave me or something. Which is really stupid after your reaction to what happened in the broom closet."

He laughed softly but no humour was evident in the noise.

"If I'd have stayed, we'd be together now but now..." He trailed off and Sirius had to swallow down the tears in his voice before he spoke.

"Remus, I love you."

And Remus turned to face him, hardly daring to believe the words. He opened his mouth and Sirius, sure that Remus was about to utter some sort of depreciating comment, was utterly surprised to hear the most perfect words he thought Remus had ever said.

"Kiss me."


	14. Chapter 13

_AN:/ So here it is... The very last chapter of Change. I'm sorry it's so short but it just seemed right :). Besides, there is a sequel on the way ('though not for a while 'cause of those damn exams called GCSEs)- which will be called Knowing by the way- so don't worry 'cause it's not over yet! :)_

A bright sunny day. The breeze blows softly through the grass and waves tree branches in the sky.

Two boys sit by the lake, their hands clasped together and their lips occasionally brushing in a soft kiss.

One boy, scars hidden beneath his clothes, can hear only softly-whispered words of love where before there were only insults and fearful whispered words in the night.

Something in him insists that he is still a freak, a monster, but now he thinks that with Sirius sitting beside him then he can be anything; do anything.

Lots of things have changed in the past year but, thinks Remus, when change brings love and someone like Sirius into his life then change can't be all bad.

And maybe, just maybe, life can be good even for someone like him.


End file.
